A Year on........Still unreal

Hey Neatz,

I haven't written to you in a while but I thought I would write to mark a year since you passed away. Wow it’s actually been a year, that's crazy. You would have been mocking me about getting old and having kids but that's not going to happen.

They say over time it will get better, I guess that time hasn't come. It sucks that you aren't around. So many times I needed one of our talks but bottled it up. There aren't that many people I can talk to like I could you. I miss you, who will I bully at theme parks or get pics of you slipping in restaurant. I am sitting on a train as I write this & I don't know what to say. I miss you so much, a year on and it hurts like it happened yesterday.

I call your house but no one picks up, I guess it kind of helps because I never know what to say. I can't even being to imagine how your family are copping. If it hurts me this much, only God can imagine the pain they are in. As I write this I can’t even think of the words to say, my head hasn’t been here for a week or so. I feel lost but I can’t even describe it.

When I started this I thought I could say how I felt, I still can’t describe it. Don’t think I am fully come to terms with it. I love you too much to accept you’re gone but everyone says I have to for my own health. I know I need to but this shit hurts like hell. I feel like downing a bottle of vodka but that not me..............................

To be honest words can’t describe how I feel. I will always love and miss you. I guess I will get better......

Rest in Peace Angel.